{"id":14332,"date":"2024-09-13T12:30:21","date_gmt":"2024-09-13T12:30:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/diigital.press\/?p=12002"},"modified":"2024-09-13T12:30:21","modified_gmt":"2024-09-13T12:30:21","slug":"bob-came-home-drunk-one-night","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/?p=14332","title":{"rendered":"Bob Came Home Drunk One Night"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Bob<\/p>\n

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. Suddenly, he found himself awakening before the gates of heaven, greeted by St. Peter himself.<\/h2>\n
<\/div>\n

\u201cYou passed away in your sleep, Bob,\u201d St. Peter informed him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m dead? No, I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much to live for. Send me back!\u201d<\/p>\n

St. Peter said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but there\u2019s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.<\/p>\n

A rooster strolled past.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, you\u2019re the new hen, huh? How\u2019s your first day here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot bad,\u201d replied Bob the hen, \u201cbut I have this strange feeling inside. Like I\u2019m gonna explode!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re ovulating,\u201d explained the rooster. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never laid an egg before?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever,\u201d said Bob.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, just relax and let it happen,\u201d says the rooster. \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!<\/p>\n

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.<\/p>\n

He soon laid another egg \u2014 his joy was overwhelming.<\/p>\n

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell, \u201cBOB, wake up! You\u2019ve shit the bed!\u201d<\/p>\n\n

<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. Suddenly, he found himself awakening before the gates of heaven, greeted by St. Peter himself. \u201cYou passed away in your sleep, Bob,\u201d St. Peter informed him. \u201cI\u2019m dead? No, I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12003,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14332","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14332","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14332"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14332\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14332"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14332"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/otrxio.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14332"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}